


Astrology For Amateurs

by orphan_account



Category: 2PM
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-16
Updated: 2011-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-28 11:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wooyoung needs some loving, and Khun’s just the guy to help him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Astrology For Amateurs

**Author's Note:**

> Written way back in December 2010 and originally posted [here](http://voyeurs.livejournal.com/5370.html). As ever a truckload of thanks to [Rikki](http://morago.livejournal.com/) for being the bestest beta in the whole world.

There are times Khun wonders if Wooyoung has any interest in sex at all.

It isn’t that he seems repulsed by the idea, and he certainly doesn’t mind physical contact, once the person passes some sort of bizarre initiation ritual that only Wooyoung can judge. It’s just that he doesn’t seem to care one way or the other about the veritable sea of girls out there, and while Khun is all for people living their own lives, eventually he has to stage an intervention.

Wooyoung needs some loving, and Khun’s just the guy to help him out.

Which means the logical first step is to determine what kind of girl Wooyoung wants, as subtly as he can.

“Sooyoung’s hot,” he says to Wooyoung one night, after a joint stage with SNSD. "I'd do her."

“Mmhmm,” says Wooyoung, flicking through the games on his phone.

“I bet Yubin’s crazy in the sack,” Khun prompts, in the van home after dinner with the Wonder Girls. "Not to mention that husky voice."

Wooyoung yawns and stretches, rubbing sleepily at his eye. “Maybe.”

“Baek Jiyoung’s probably been there, done that, right?” Khun whispers, nudging him conspiratorially during a performance of My Ear’s Candy, fitting the question between Chansung’s laughter at Taec’s dancing and Junsu’s muttered commentary that she should team up with a _real_ singer sometime, yeah, that would be _tight_.

Wooyoung’s dancing in his seat, bopping his head along to the rhythm, and doesn’t look away from the stage. “Yeah, she’s been around for a while.” He doesn’t sound interested, and he doesn’t sound impressed.

Khun doesn’t know what else to _do_.

He struggles a bit longer with his mounting frustration, and finally, in an act of pure desperation, points at Beast the next time they’re both on Mucore. “Doojoon!” he exclaims, giving their former fellow trainee a thumbs up. “Those _thighs_.”

“He has intense eyes,” Wooyoung replies without inflection, and helps Chansung pick which picture of Jeonggam to upload to Twitter for the day.

Khun screams quietly into his own fist.

 

\- - -

 

They’re doing a bunch of written interviews for yet another Japanese magazine with a stupid name (this one’s a vegetable, Khun remembers, but he can’t recall which one) when he gets to a question they’ve had a thousand times before.

He can use this.

“Yah,” he says, nudging Wooyoung with his elbow.

Wooyoung doesn’t look up as he carefully writes which piece of sporting equipment he’d like to be - _a basketball so I could bounce all day ^^_. “Yeah?”

Khun glances down at his answer - _a shuttlecock so I could fly = p_ \- then points at Wooyoung’s paper. “What did you put for question four?”

Wooyoung’s eyes flick up the page, then down again. “I said I’m not a girl, so I wouldn’t date any of you.”

Khun feels the first pinpricks of annoyance and one of his eyebrows starts to twitch. “You can’t say that.”

“Already have.” Wooyoung moves to the next question, tapping his pen against his lips. “What drink am I most like?”

“Gatorade, amirite?” shouts Taec from across the room, prodding Chansung with his toe and leaning in for a high five. 

“Cool, thanks,” replies Wooyoung indifferently, leaning over to print _a sports drink, to quench your thirst!_ before moving on to the next response.

Khun wants to slap him for evading the question yet again. “Come on, it’s just a rhetorical question. If you were a girl, who would you date out of all of us?”

“I’m not a girl,” Wooyoung repeats emphatically, scribbling down his final answer and slapping his page on top of Khun’s. “Stop hassling me.”

Khun feels his mouth twist into a stubborn line, but he wisely shuts up.

 

\- - -

 

Khun’s almost ready to drop his investigation, to just throw his hands into the air and allow Wooyoung to be a lonely enigma forever, when something kind of weird happens.

They’re doing the Qs and As again (they _never end_ , every day there’s another pile of the stupid things to do) and the usual “stuff you like” question is worded slightly differently.

“What actions attract you?” Junho reads aloud. He’s sitting next to Chansung, who’s lying belly-down on the floor, and is using his back as a table. “Not 'personality traits' or 'qualities' or 'features'?”

“A word’s a word,” Chansung says, shrugging and making Junho hiss in annoyance as it sends his pen careening across the page. “Same thing.”

Khun, with the weight of four languages pressing into his skull, can’t really agree with that, but he lets it slide and looks at the question again. “Actions,” he echoes, drawing a question mark next to the word. “Like…what?”

“Singing a soulful ballad,” Junsu dictates as he writes, nodding at the paper with satisfaction. “That would get my attention.”

“Outsmarting me in a debate,” Taec says, adjusting his glasses and giving everyone a smug look. “How does that sound? Suitably academic?”

“Suitably dickish,” Wooyoung replies, writing down his own response. He sits back and yawns. “Anyone want a drink?”

“Me!” says Chansung, rolling over and destroying any chance of Junho actually submitting his sheet.

“Yes, please,” Khun calls absently, eyes falling accidentally this time on Wooyoung’s answers. 

_Keeping one’s word. Always being reliable. Being dependable_. 

He frowns at the sheet, confused for a moment, and then a memory from a long ago conversation with his sister pings in the back of his brain. He stares at Wooyoung as he pours the drinks, mind working overtime as things start to fall into place.

“Holy shit,” Khun breathes, because now he knows how to continue his investigation.

Wooyoung’s a _Taurus_.

Of _course_.

 

\- - -

 

The next day Khun waits until they’re en route to a CF shoot, everyone settling into the van with their phones or laptops, or in Chansung’s case, a book. When Khun’s sure no one’s looking, he keys “astrology” into the browser on his phone and waits for the results to load. He already knows he’s a Cancer, is familiar with his own mandated-by-the-stars personality traits (he’s apparently predisposed towards being generous, adaptable and an _excellent_ lover) but he’s not that clued in on the other signs, and knows nothing about Taurus aside from the whole dependability thing. He wouldn’t even know _that_ except Yanin likes to read excerpts from _Cosmopolitan_ at him whenever he’s home, and one article had been about ‘horrorscopes’ and the downfalls of loving against your sign.

Khun has thankfully forgotten the rest, so he goes into the research not knowing what to expect. 

Wooyoung, according to astrology, which categorically lumps him in with everyone else born between April 21 and May 21, is stubborn, good with money, and inclined to have problems with his throat. He’s also analytical and solid but prone to selfishness and awkwardness around others, and can also confuse with inexplicable actions depending on the ruling moon.

“Huh,” says Khun to himself, reluctantly impressed with the general accuracy of the description. 

Junho shifts beside him. “What’s up?”

Khun angles his body over the phone. “Oh, nothing. Just…Twitter.”

“Ah,” says Junho, and puts his earphones back in.

Khun clicks back to Google and pauses, thinking how best to approach this. Rather than personality traits and general attributes, he needs more detailed information. Information he doesn’t already know. Information Wooyoung wouldn’t tell him, even if he asked.

 _Taurus_ , he starts to type, autocorrect asking him if he means _Tambourine_?

“No,” he tells the phone sharply, typing it again. “Taurus relationship.”

“Huh?” asks Chansung, glancing up from his book, Wooyoung napping on his shoulder. “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” replies Khun, and clicking on the first link he hasn’t already visited, finds himself on a page explaining the Sexstrology of the Stars.

 _Jackpot_ , he thinks, and settles down to read.

 

\- - -

 

“Did you know Taureans are the least exciting members of the zodiac?” Khun asks Wooyoung after practice the next day. Wooyoung’s doing stretches on the ground, reaching for his toes, and Khun’s just finished a set of push-ups. He pushes his sweaty hair off his forehead and continues. “Like, really boring. To the point of being dull.”

“What’s a Taurean and why does it zodiac?” Wooyoung asks philosophically.

Khun kicks him in the leg. “You know your own star sign, don’t give me that.”

Wooyoung yawns and drops his torso to the floor, holding the position for ten seconds. Khun scowls at his flexibility even as he admires Wooyoung’s grace, and takes a swig of his water as he sits back up. “Whatever. People aren’t defined by that stuff.”

Khun rather hopes they are, because he needs to figure out Wooyoung’s preferences, and the sooner the better, because it’s just not right that Wooyoung hasn’t had a girlfriend yet. He needs to discover the wonders of intimacy, needs to put his good looks, sense of humour and quiet loyalty to use at last. 

In fact, it has occurred to Khun that this may be his divine mission – it’s entirely possible he was put on this Earth to get Jang Wooyoung laid. 

Khun takes another sip of water, slower this time, and studies his friend for a moment longer, eyes travelling over Wooyoung’s lean form as he twists briskly from left to right. His movements are deft and precise – not an action is wasted, and Khun thinks that if Wooyoung approaches relationships in the same abrupt manner it could go a long way towards explaining why he’s still single. Of course, there’s also the small matter of him never actively pursuing anyone, but maybe he doesn’t even know what it’s like to be pursued. 

_Well, that’s about to change_ , Khun thinks, letting out a deep breath and screwing the cap back on his water bottle, readying himself for the first phase of Operation Astrology. His research rewarded him with a list of things guaranteed to touch even the most stubborn Taurean heart, and Khun plans to work through them one by one. 

“As long as you’re sure,” he says comfortingly, hoping his silence hasn’t been too obvious, then he sticks his shoulders back and goes in for the kill. “Are you hungry?”

Wooyoung rolls his neck and pushes lightly to his feet. “Yeah, I guess.”

Khun steps in close, rests his hand on Wooyoung’s elbow. “Want to get something to eat?” He bumps their hips together, leaning in to better gauge his reaction. “I’ll pay.”

He doesn’t miss the way Wooyoung’s eyes light up, the quick drag of his tongue across his lips. “Are you sure?”

“Of course!” Khun steps back and watches his reaction closely. “I have lots of money, you know.”

Wooyoung swallows convulsively. “What are we waiting for?” He starts towards the door.

“Wooyoung-ah!” Khun calls after him, fighting to keep the amusement from his face. “Shouldn’t we clean up, have showers or something first?”

Wooyoung turns, eyes wild. “Fuck that,” he grinds out. “Let’s go.”

Grinning triumphantly, Khun jogs out after him. Attraction to wealth: confirmed.

 

\- - -

 

Khun hopes the qualities Taureans find attractive aren’t hampered by sex, since it occurs to him between phases one and two of the plan that they are, in fact, both guys. He hasn’t shared his astrology theory with anyone else just yet, and as good as it would be to have a female friend on board to test Wooyoung’s reactions, he has no choice but to do everything himself.

This doesn’t bother him as much as he expects it to – it’s not like anything’s going to happen between them, of course, and if Khun had to name the person he’s closest to in 2PM it would naturally be Wooyoung. Besides, with Wooyoung filming _Dream High_ and Khun taking on more CF commitments, they haven’t had many chances to hang out or catch up. It’ll be nice to spend more time together.

He’s under no illusions that the rest of the plan will be as easy as the first phase – everyone likes money, after all – but he’s willing to try a couple more things before collating his results and sorting his friend out.

Which leads him to testing the next quality on the things-Taureans-like list: keeping his word.

“Do you want me to promise to give these back?” he asks a few nights later, loitering in the doorway to Wooyoung and Junho’s room.

Wooyoung spares him a glance over the drawer he’s sorting through. “I don’t care.”

“Because I can promise,” Khun says, dropping his voice to a croon. He sends Wooyoung a tender wink. “I always keep my promises.”

Wooyoung rests his elbows on the drawer and gives him a pitying look. “They’re socks, Khun. I’m lending you socks.”

“I’ll be back,” Khun promises, sliding a seductive finger down the doorframe. “And I’ll bring these with me.”

Wooyoung shakes his head and goes back to sorting. “You can keep them if yo—“

“I always keep my promises!” Khun shouts, then runs to his room.

 

\- - -

 

He thinks Wooyoung looks a little bit flushed when he hands the socks back the next day, washed, dried and ironed, letting his fingers linger for longer than necessary on the smooth skin of Wooyoung’s wrist.

“I always keep my promises,” Khun repeats huskily.

Wooyoung stares at his hands and nods.

Khun allows himself a tiny smirk. Attraction to dependability: confirmed.

 

\- - -

 

Over the next few weeks he tries all sorts of seductions, specifically tailored to Taurean tastes. When the others are at a radio show, he cooks a sumptuous, Western-style dinner from scratch, certain to emphasise how little trouble it was for him, being a homebody by nature. Wooyoung all but licks his plate clean and stares at him across the table with sleepy, satisfied eyes.

When one of Wooyoung’s buttons flies off during a particularly frenetic practice session, Khun gets down on his hands and knees and searches for it, then produces the miniature sewing kit he’d taken to carrying around for an opportunity just like this. “I love mending!” he exclaims, repressing another smirk at the way Wooyoung’s hand fists itself in the fabric of his shirt.

Khun even finds himself enjoying these little moments – there’s something warming and oddly fulfilling about doing things for his friend. He catches himself looking for Wooyoung’s smile, cracking worse jokes than usual just to hear Wooyoung’s laugh, and he goes out of his way to be extra affectionate, hanging over him so often Chansung starts to sulk because Wooyoung’s _his_ favourite to lean on.

Khun’s greatest success yet comes in the dressing room at Inkigayo, after they shuffle off the stage and fall onto benches and chairs, wiping off sweat and makeup and catching a brief moment of rest. Junsu and Taec stretch out over the benches in the centre of the room, Junho and Khun steal the makeup chairs, and Chansung flops face down on the floor, pillowing his head on his arm. Wooyoung, the last one in, gives them all a dirty look. “Where did all the other chairs go?”

Khun looks around in mock confusion. “I have no idea!” he says, as if he hadn’t hung around after intermission and moved them all next door to KARA’s already overcrowded room. “You can sit on my lap if you want?” He holds his breath as Wooyoung gives his thighs an evaluating look. 

After a moment, Wooyoung shakes his head. “No, I’m fine.”

Khun jiggles his legs and holds his arms out in welcome. “Come on, Wooyoungie! I’m pretty strong, you know. Stable. You can depend on me.”

Wooyoung’s eyes widen and grow very dark, and his breath hitches in his throat. He looks down for a moment, clearly torn, and Khun flexes, deliberately.

“Okay,” says Wooyoung, the word leaving him in a rush, and all but leaps into Khun’s arms.

Khun pulls him close to his chest and grins into his hair. Mission: complete.

 

\- - -

 

“What’s with you and Wooyoung?” Taec asks the next day in the bathroom, drying his hair while Khun rubs BB cream into his face.

“Hmm?” Khun dabs the cream over his eyelid, smoothing it into the underside of his brow. “What about me and Wooyoung?”

Taec wrinkles his face up in thought. “Like…your creepy courtship. What’s going on?” He drags the towel over his face and leers at himself in the mirror. “I’ve known about his crush on you forever, I just thought you were into, you know.” He cups the air in front of his chest. “Tits.”

“ _Tits_ ,” Khun repeats dryly, mimicking Taec’s tone of voice. “Truly you are a love god for the ages. _Tits_.”

Taec shrugs and reaches for his toothbrush. “What can I say? The ladies find my eloquence _tit_ illating.”

Suddenly the rest of Taec’s comment sinks in, and Khun spins to face him, horrified. “Crush on me, what?!”

“Mmghmm?” Taec says, mouth full of toothpaste. Khun taps his fingers impatiently on the basin as Taec rinses and tries again. “You didn’t know? He’s been mooning after you since _Hot Blood_. I thought you’d already talked about it and decided to be friends.” Khun gapes at him and Taec runs a hand through his hair. “Like, you really didn’t know?”

“Holy shit,” says Khun, and grips the basin for support. “Holy shit!”

“Well said!” replies Taec sonorously, then pats him on the shoulder and flees the room.

 

\- - -

 

Khun doesn’t know what to do with the information Taec has so generously dumped upon him, so he stuffs it into the far corner of his mind where all the other repressed memories live, alongside the time he found his dad’s porn stash and that one morning in senior year when he’d woken up in his girlfriend’s bed, tired and hungover and being spooned by the rugby captain.

To avoid further weirdness he treats Wooyoung exactly as he did before he’d started the astrology seduction plan, before the extra smiling and laughing and touching, and if Wooyoung notices any change in his demeanour, he doesn’t comment.

Khun tells himself he can’t do this forever, and that he’ll think about Taec’s words tomorrow, and then tomorrow becomes today becomes yesterday and he sets the cycle in motion all over again because he’s still not sure what to make of it, and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Is everything okay?” Junho asks him one day, when they’re alone.

“Huh?” Khun looks up from another one of those fucking Q and A things, and sends a bright smile his way. “Uh, hai! Arigatou! Daijoubu!”

Junho is sufficiently repulsed by his poor Japanese and doesn’t press further.

“You aight?” Junsu asks the day after that, giving him a concerned look across the kitchen table.

“O.K!” Khun replies enthusiastically, doing the Without U fingers. The memories of the choreography turn Junsu’s eyes haunted, and he escapes the room with a whimper.

The day after that, Chansung doesn’t say anything, just hands him a plate of apples cut into rabbits and pats him on the shoulder when he leaves.

Khun bites an ear off the first slice and decides he can’t keep avoiding the issue, and then goes back to the confused corner of his mind and digs right in.

 _What’s the problem?_ he asks himself, reaching for another rabbit and nibbling on its head. The point of the plan was always to figure out what Wooyoung wanted, and now he knows. It’s a little unexpected, for sure, but at least it’s not a mystery any longer.

And it’s not even the first time he’s had a guy show interest in him – there was the rugby captain incident, after all, and he’s always had a small face with pretty features. It’s just… it’s _Wooyoung_.

He starts on the rabbit’s midsection and tries to ignore the next question when it bumps against the side of his skull, just as he tries to ignore the tingling in the pit of his stomach and the faint sheen of sweat growing on the small of his back.

_How do you feel about Wooyoung?_

They’re friends, of course. Good friends. _Best_ friends. Friends who complement each other, friends who ground each other, friends who seek each other out in good times and bad. He’s comfortable with Wooyoung and Wooyoung has always relaxed around Khun, letting down his guard and showing a side of himself he rarely shares.

He drops the rabbit and stares at his hand.

When he puts it that way he can understand Taec’s honest surprise – the clues have been there the whole time, he just didn’t bother to look. And now that he has, now that he knows…

He should be rehearsing a carefully worded speech about the benefits of staying just friends. He should be drawing up a list of reasons why he’s flattered but not interested in being more. He should be cruising his contacts list for girls he could use to drive his point home.

Instead he’s sitting alone in the kitchen wrestling with his thoughts.

_How do you feel about Wooyoung?_

Khun shoves the rest of the rabbit into his mouth and doesn’t answer, because he can’t.

 

\- - -

 

He’s sitting on the end of his bed in just his pajama pants, frowning at his feet and continuing to ignore the question, when Wooyoung barges into his room without knocking and locks the door behind him.

Khun glances up in surprise as he marches over to Chansung’s bed and sits with purpose, meeting his gaze with a determined look. “This,” Wooyoung says, gesturing at the metre of space between them, “has got to stop.”

Khun follows the line of his still-pointing finger to the ground, and pretends to misunderstand. “Leaving my clothes on the floor?”

“No,” says Wooyoung impatiently, dropping his hand and rolling his eyes. “Although it’s unhygienic and I expect better from you.”

Khun ducks forward and grabs a shirt, folding it extra slowly so he doesn’t have to meet Wooyoung’s eyes.

Wooyoung clicks his fingers in irritation. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do.” He lets out a breath and the annoyance fades from his face. “We need to talk.”

Khun nods and rests his hands in his lap. “Yeah. We do.”

Wooyoung shifts back a little on Chansung’s bed. “So.”

“So.”

The silence stretches out between them as Khun continues to battle the question, still not quite sure what his feelings should be, and definitely not sure of what they actually are. “I—“

“You’re sensitive,” Wooyoung says, leaning back and looking up at the roof. “You’re nurturing. You like harmony, you don’t like change and you live in the past.”

Khun nearly drops his shirt. “What are you talking about?”

“You need to be needed and you’re ruled by emotion more than reason, which is weird because you’re also really smart in your own way. Oh, and your erogenous zone is your nipples.”

Khun slaps a hand to his chest. “How—“

Wooyoung sighs and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a thin, dog-eared book the size of his palm. He holds it out and Khun takes it, turning the cover over to read _Astrology for Amateurs_ in curling blue Hangul. “You’ve been reading about astrology?”

Wooyoung shrugs. “You mentioned it a while back and I thought I should look into it.” He glances at the window, the cupboard, anywhere but Khun’s face. “I wondered if it would explain why you’d been acting so strangely.”

Khun winces. So much for his subtle seduction attempts. “And did it?”

“Not really.” Wooyoung lies back on the bed, resting his hands behind his head. “Although it did seem like you were acting like that to cater to me.”

Khun lets out a breath. “Actually…I was.”

Wooyoung cricks his neck up to look at him, but doesn’t sit up. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Khun laughs uncomfortably and tries to meet his eyes. “You’ve never had a girlfriend and I felt like it was a waste and so, um, I took it upon myself to figure out what kind of girl you’d like. So I could hook you up.”

Wooyoung lets his head fall back again. “Wow, _thanks_. What are you, my pimp?”

“Your friend,” Khun corrects softly, and he can’t help but notice the way Wooyoung’s lips twist at that. Something twists in his belly in response, and in a moment of dizzying clarity, the answer to the question he’s been avoiding stumbles drunkenly down his tongue. “No. I mean, not your friend.”

“Oh,” says Wooyoung flatly, and rolls to face the wall.

Khun blinks. “I don’t want to be your friend,” he says, more strongly, steeling himself to continue when Wooyoung’s shoulders stiffen at the words. “Well, I did, I always have, but then I started this dumb astrology seduction thing and instead of finding someone for you to like, I found someone you already liked.” He pauses and stares at Wooyoung’s back, struggling to find the right words. “And, I don’t know, I’m still kind of new to this, but…I think they like you too.”

Wooyoung rolls back over and gives him an unreadable look. “What?”

“Was that too vague?” Khun asks uncomfortably, because there’s so much beating around the bush in even informal Korean that he never knows how direct to be. “I just…I’m an idiot. And, um, I like you too. I think.” He drops his head forward in a bow.

Wooyoung says nothing for a long time and Khun stays where he is, unwilling to move until he gets some sort of a response. The silence drags out again, heavy with reproach, and he’s wondering if maybe he should get on the floor and bow properly, maybe Wooyoung would like that, but there’s not much room and he’ll have to move the last of the clothes and his legs might not be able to fit and –

And then Wooyoung lets out a breath, halfway between a laugh and a sigh, and says, “You _think_?”

Khun lifts his head and gives him a tentative, embarrassed grin. “Well, I’m ninety-nine percent sure, but Cancers are pretty capricious so it’s hard to say exactly where my heart lies—“ 

“Enough,” Wooyoung interrupts, but he’s clearly fighting back a grin of his own. “If it’s back to astrology, then I have something you might want to see.”

Khun looks at him expectantly. Wooyoung points at the book, lying where Khun left it on the blanket. “You haven’t read that, have you?”

“No.” Khun picks it up and turns it over in his hands. “I got my info online. Why?”

Wooyoung smiles, a secretive curve of his lips. “Turn to page 147.”

Confused, Khun does as he’s told, dragging a finger down the page and skimming, but finding nothing of relevance. “What am I looking—oh. I see.”

 _The Taurus man or woman_ , says the book, in big black print, _is stubborn, possessive and characterised by their physical stamina. They are the dominating party in their relationships, and especially in the bedroom. They are ruled by passion, and their erogenous zone covers their neck and collarbone—_

And that’s as far as he gets before Wooyoung tells him, in a low voice he’s never heard before, to put the book down. 

Surprised, Khun tosses it over his shoulder. 

Wooyoung smirks, and it occurs to Khun that he’s finally getting an answer for the idle question that started him on this path in the first place. It seems Wooyoung _is_ interested in sex.

With Khun. 

He’s suddenly very eager to learn just how dominating a Taurus can be.


End file.
